damn.. so frustrated.. damn angry.. was watching the tv quietly when the stupid phone in my bro's room rang.. as usual my 1st bro pick it up.. it was meant for him anyway.. den out of the sudden he shout like nobody's business.. wat the hell.. i came home from work n i all i got to hear was his bloody irritating voice.. was so pissed.. so i ask him to shut up --> what i say actually 'memekak sial'.. den he scold me.. mother toad..
n dats when the war begin.. words of anger, frustration, hatred filled the air.. i let go 85% of what i feel, think and hate about him.. after 12 years.. imagine that.. keeping silence abt how u feel from everyone.. what he did to me.. everything was kept away from my mum.. n only now she hear how i feel.. 12 years.. it's enuf to make u go crazy.. i nearly did when i was upper pri n lower sec.. but i still manage to keep myself together.. i noe that im not a good daughter.. i realise that.. i have lots of weakness.. n everytime i try change that bastard bro of mine will do sumtin n then i tink wat the hell.. i change n dun change oso the same..
i tink i did go overboard tis time but i was damn pissed.. how could he question the way my parent brought me up.. from what i remember.. im not the one who gets pampered.. im always the one who kena whack like hell for mistakes i hardly do.. kena whack for something he did to me.. till now i dun understand why he have to bring the past up.. dat is one particular thing i hate most - > someone bringing up the past.. y must he blame my mother for wat i have become today.. y?? it's my choice.. i choose to be rude and i dun blame my mother for it.. i choose to be vulgar n i never blame my mum for it.. y must he blame my mother.. it hurts to hear that coming from him after all this years.. although im not a mother, but i noe how it feel to hear all that.. i wish i could bash him up.. wah if i did bash him, i tink he had a 50-50 chance to live.. but unfortunately, my mum was there trying to calm us down.. it dun work anyway.. its like having two atomic bomb exploding in the house..
den the climax came.. it wasn't my intention to say 'my mother' but he misunderstood what i say.. he always did.. he threaten to get out of the house..which he did take out most of his clothes out of the cupboard.. mcm sissy sak.. sikit merajok.. complain.. i kinda feel happy coz i can finally find peace in the house but at the same time sorry for my mum.. coz she was shouting and trying to calm my bro down.. tell him to stay n so on.. can see how much my mum love him.. den i had to say somethin, right.. i force myself to say sorry to him.. klau ikotkan hati, sampai mati pun aku takkan mintak maaf.. dats the end until he bring my 2nd bro up.. but dat a diff story..
sorry if i sound harsh or extreme in this post.. was juz writing what i feel, how i feel.. ignore the broken english..
